maurado2

Ode to the musketeers

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:07:55 GMT

Will we live to see France again? Will we live to see Spain? Will we live to venture forth on wide and open plains? To finish out our legacy as the greatest pair ever known, while dueling with every evil, emotion and phsyical clone. With flash of red and and swoop of green, and dash of a mournful tear, with an honest tie and brotherly bond, may we never have been known to be here. Might we pick up another on this long sought journey, either friend or turned out foe? Will we ever get to live a moment out of worry or woe? To arrive at the final standpoint, where all reality comes to a still, staring your venom in the face, thirsty for a kill. We're long hair bandits for all that is good, with heart beyond comprehension, watch us continue galiantly now with art exceeding invention. A separate force that ties us together that somehow keeps us alive. Still living through all these great misfortunes, dodging each stroke of the scythe. We live with a purpose, with the fury of kings, with a motto that beckons a call, let us take what we win, save what we love, all for one and one for all.

Poem of a driving tradegy

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:53:44 GMT

Prompt:
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla., March 6 (UPI) -- A Florida woman whose 15-year-old son got into a fatal crash in her car has been charged with manslaughter.
Lesa Ledesma, 42, of St. Petersburg was arrested Wednesday, six months after the crash, the Tampa Tribune reported.
Prosecutors say that Ledesma gave her son, Shawn, the keys to her 2006 Saturn on Sept. 15 even though she knew that he could only drive legally with an adult in the seat beside him and not after 10 p.m.
Shawn picked up some friends and then hit another car, losing control of the Saturn, which flipped over. Rachel Carreras, a high school student, was killed when she was thrown from the vehicle.
"Independent witnesses observed Lesa Ledesma provide the keys to Shawn Ledesma, fully aware that Shawn Ledesma would be operating the motor vehicle without the supervision of a licensed adult," a highway patrol affidavit said.
Ledesma was freed on $10,000 bail.

Someone should have told him that what he did was wrong, that what he did was foolish, that he should have known it all along.
Someone should have told her to not to get in the car, that they were too young, that the trip was too far.
Someone should have told her to care for her kid, to act like she wanted her little boy to live.

He might have been a musician, he might have been jock, he might have gone on to invent a cure, or keep a family ‘round the clock. Perhaps he was funny, charismatic and sweet, the dreamy one girls thought of all week. We can’t really tell what was to be, but was it his fault? Don’t ask me.

She could have been a dancer, a singer, a mom, a degree in psychology, someone to depend on. Maybe she was beautiful, the envy of all girls, maybe she was easy to love. She might have been ready for an award the next day, was it her fault to end their lives that way?

She might have had other kids, but then again not, the jewels of her life, now “never forgot”. It’s the worst pain in the world to outlive your own, it’s not natural, you can’t feel, inconceivable, but real. Does she blame her self for the tragedy the occurred? Or is no one to blame for what was seen and heard?

And what about the driver, who must live with the guilt, even if it wasn’t him that destroyed the lives they built? He was probably coming back from an evening on the town, with his wife, with his girlfriend, with the guys, on his own. The last thing he planned to do was end another life, now he is faced with the worry and strife.

Is 10,000 dollars enough for their lives? Can you put a price on somebody’s pride? Maybe Rachel thought he was old enough to drive, but he and his mom thought they’d all survive. What were they thinking to endanger another, to hurt all the ones that possibly loved her?

Did they consider the danger of what’d surely come it was bad enough already to endanger her son. It was a problem of judgment for the two, maybe three, and because of it lives were taken innocently.

It’s not a fairy tale, these things really happen, the law isn’t there for jokes and knee slappin’. Take these lives as example to follow your own, and maybe you won’t end up like so many, all alone.

2:37

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 07:42:30 GMT

In the A.M thank you very much. I don't know what it is, but despite the fact that kenny and joe have gone to sleep, i continue to be up, and persist typing even though im in complete darkness. It's a definite test of my typing abilities. So heres what i plan to do. Type until i pass out with sleep. Maybe it comes out of nowhere really soon, or maybe i hit writers block, or maybe i stay up all night!! exciting, stay tuned to figure it out. I for one happen to think that a good hook is the most important part of any book, novela, short story, essay, livejournal entry etc. because i don't know about you, but that's the only thing that's ever convinced me to read any book. A bad hook, or complete lack of one will ruin it for me and even if the rest of the book is friggen amazing, i won't enjoy it. Maybe that's why i don't like all those great books of american literature. Note for future authors. Hook me! DIABEETUS that man makes me laugh every single time i see him. Not only have i gotten countless amounts of bumper stickers about him, but i see pictures of him and it's unfortunate that there are people who can't immediately understand and instantly laugh at it. Ok i lied, i only have two bumperstickers from him. The lastest news on that one, me being a liar? not a surprise to anyone. Dippin chicken too, cheeseburger lettuce, ice cream too. Freindlees comercial? Yes indeed. I was at friendlees not too long ago. I saw a massive fat black woman there. I laughed very hard the second i saw her...er, it? I was tearing up and my mum got mad at me. But i blame her for my racism...can't attribute my fattism to her, on the count of how she's a weight loss counselor. I think i just clearly understand the repulsiveness that it lazy whiney fat people. Ahhh, kelsey keeps calling me a dork. But i am so there's really nothing wrong with that. Isn't that cute? Dorky love? So with the diabeetus commericials must come a show with it correct? Well that'd be fresh prince of bell aire. You know you want too... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIn WEST philadelphia born and raised on the playground is where i spent most of my days. Chillen out relaxing, acting all cool whille playin some b-ball outside the school when a couple of guys, they were up to no good, started makin trouble in my neighborhood, i got in one litle fight and mah mom got scared she said "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bell aire" I wistled for a cab and when it came near the liscence plate said fresh and there was dice in the mirror. I thought for a second this cab might be weird but i thought ahh forget it yo holmes to bell aire! *instrumental* dun dun dun dun dundund dund udndndun dun dun dund udn und dun DUN DUN DUUN I. Pulled. UP to a house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell yah later, i looked at my kingdom i was finally there, to settle my throne as the prince of bell aire. That was wonderful now wasnt it? It seems like you just were singing that with me right? Ah my mom wanted to give the guniea pigs away but i said no. I read with them! i put em on my lap and read a good book, and then they squeal and make noises. I think it's because they're reading and just got to the good part. Either that or they're telling me i need to flip the page hehe my guin guins are too cute to give up on now! hehe. I don't want you and steve seeing each other anymore. Monopoly? Hmm what? No that doesnt make things better. Now i have questions. For how long? seemed crazy long. Sorry for being a stalker, but having acess to stuff like that, can you blame me? Too bad you can't do that to me, because you'd need my myspace, which has since been gone when i decided to get friends? Almost two years in case the ladies and gents were wondering. Oh im so excited. Im getting together with hannah and sam and we're buring all those tainted memories. Ive finally gotten to the point where i can comepletly forget about it, and actually its a few months over due that i do forget. It was all a terrible painful swirl in the end. I don't know what made me so persistent. bahh humbug. Joe's couch cannot suppport my massive girth, as i am falling through it. *readjust* slightly better. where was i? Does anyone even know anymore? I can't even count all the poems inspired. Speaking of poems i need to post more here. Believe it or not a few people actually like em, and if there's still people who care about it, then ill care about it too. It actually really helps. Specially when people critique it for me. Oh jeeze i think i just put the peices together. Is he what that post was about? Oh that raises an eyebrow. I felt bad about it as it is, so ill just forget about it. It's actually really weird thinking about it. Did we do the same things? Were they stronger? Lesser? Harder to do? i know it was for me. Thank you spawn of zombie. As in heartless. Kindom hearts anyone? I wish i was the tin man. It's weird. We're really similar. not too unalike him and i. Maybe if i took the chance to get to know him a few years ago when i knew him, id know. But everything happens for a reason i think, but when i was going over it, a lot of the peices were identical to ones of mine. Only slight discrepancies, his were with more fervor. Made it seem more important. Ill keep telling myself that they werent. That's worked in the past right? HA NO. But ive probably got a lot up there in my subconcious. hehe, thank you psychology. Im almost attributing that class to my unually mellow moods lately. I think i understand what makes people do things better now. Why i do tihngs, why things end, what makes the best things in life stop. stop? Doooooooont stop, beliiiiiiiiieven. DIABEETUS. *cough cough* Turbuculosis. And apparently not the corset? heheh, i fail... FAIL Oh find that "h" i think i want to go back and hit the enter key on every new thought. Should i ? no thatd make more sense out of this, no one wants that. KENNY STOP SNORING! he is out of control. I didn't believe you when you said four weeks. But you did have a secong opinion, so i guess it must be true. Im really sorry about that. Made up for it tonight right? hope so, i hate when you get mad at me. It's actually really cool. You and only one other person ive ever met are the only people who tell me when theres something wrong. With me i mean. If i did something wrong, if i hurt you,, you guys tell me. Sure i feel bad about it but you do afterwards? no! because i can actually productivley fix them if you talk to me about it! thank you two, the only two. I really don't like it with the whole SNEAK ATTACK we're mad at you paolo, have been for a week, havnt told you, figgured you'd just know id need you there. well no, i don'y know what to tell ha. Kelsey's officially going to sleep. wow 4 paddidles and a sleep against her? what is the end of the world? well close enough bascaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii cant i now type anymore? boood hiss! i was just about dont anyway. Make this out ill be causer. Hey. Goodnight my angel time to close your eyes, and sillo so many things i want to say. hey, dont let me forget to play that for you! you wanted me too and i psomished i wotuld.. night night!

grumble

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:57:25 GMT

I love being the person everyone turns to for thier problems. But since she can't see this i need to say it. Gwen, you dress like a tramp, you act like a whore, and you date the same kind of guys everytime. They're going to cheat on you, dont forgive them, you havnt found true love at the age of 15. Shut up and wear a proper pair of pants. Jeeze

Sense, this makes none

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 01:08:38 GMT

See the photographs from behind your eyes, the ones from the beaches, of you in the trees, and the ones of you that you begged your friends to take off the internet becaues the were too embarassing. You pass by a few more buildings, ones got your trip to Spain, the one of your hungover 2nd cousin answering his apartment door, confused because he expected you tomorrow. Keep going down to the brownstone memories of making snowmen on the sidewalk, playing basketball in the street, learning how to ride a bike and continuously being distracted by the squirell and how its fluffy tail scared you when you were little. You hit a fork in the road, go right and see the days when you had headgear, as bad it is, take a left to see the pictures of when you were a baby and your uncle held you under his sack of stomach far as a game. You did not find it as amuzing as your older relatives did, for some odd eason. Ill opt to go straight ahead through the jello. watermelon jello of course. get to the top, throw your tiny friend in by her feet. You know, the one thats like 4 foot 10 inches, 90 pounds, you know who im talking about, give her a good chuck, you'll both have fun, really, how mad can you be in a pool of jello? Keep going to the end of the tour, pictures of you diving off buildings, hit the ground and go through. Somewhere in someones kitched you're going to fly our of thier fridge, ruining a perfectly good thursday night dinner. Nice. get a mouthful of mac and cheese. Say Thank you, and walk out casually. Hijack that bus, nicely mind you, and get back home through the slides in the park. Watch your nose, those bars on the playset hurt like a turtle jumping on top of a pocupine...only...way worse...yeah

tuesday night?

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:27:55 GMT

since i can sleep in (thank you underclassmen!) im up watching movies all the time. just so you know, magnolia, running time about 3 hours and 15 mins long. it seemed longer. you know its good if i could watch such along movie and not want to stop. it's amazing, nuff said

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 03:24:15 GMT

1. Pick 20 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.

1. "Come here, i just wanted to get your eyes right"
2."This lonesome gargoyle who burns in hell but secretly yearns for heaven secretly"
3. Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?"
4. "Let's not make a saint out of a sinner. Next time he may not be so helpful."
5. "I wish I could do something about this. But I can't. But I can promise you two things. One: I'll always look this good. Two: I'll never give up on you... ever."
6. "I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off."
7. "A long time ago, in the underground realm, where there are no lies or pain, there lived a Princess who dreamed of the human world. She dreamed of blue skies, soft breeze, and sunshine."
8. "9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...Yes, 91,100. Basically, all the worst parts of the bible."
9. "Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss."
10. "Which do you wanna fuck first, me or the knife?"
11. " I have no where to send this letter and no reason to believe you wish to receive it. I write it only for myself. And so I will hide it away with all things left unsaid and undone between us."
12. "You're an honest, decent person. Even though you are a Jew." "Oh... THANK you, your honor. How often does a man get a compliment like that?"
13. "You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!"
14. "Oh yes... such practices. The Geishas of Japan, the concubines of Siam, the catamites of Greece, the harlots of India. I have them all here, drawings of them. Everything you've ever dreamed of doing with a woman. Would you like to see?"
15. "We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago, that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the Bubonic plague!"
16. "He was decieved by a lie; we all were. It appears that the Chancellor is behind everything, including the war!"
17. "To make a fighter you gotta strip them down to bare wood: you can't just tell 'em to forget everything you know if you gotta make 'em forget even their bones... make 'em so tired they only listen to you, only hear your voice, only do what you say and nothing else... "
18. "Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck"."He was Vietnamese, so it was spelled "Ph," but still that's pretty jarring to see on a drivers license."
19."I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since like Wednesday... morning."

20. "You still think it's beautiful to die for your country. The first bombardment taught us better. When it comes to dying for country, it's better not to die at all."

anticlimactic?

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:02:20 GMT

It's what i just said. Im ready for my vacation to begin, but it's already over. See i came down with a 102 degree fever on saturday. Literally the first day of vacation. Out of commision for a day, and then reserved to my living room for the next three. Attempted doing something that night, but those plans were spoiled. to what? other people getting sick. and plus, i was still a little sick, only in denial. so it also kinda killed the mood of the night when i had to whip out the, im sorry, im still sick card. Thus killing anything memorable, no wrong, something memorable happened. At 8 in the friggen morning, complete downer. Actually, i like to look back at that night as the night of a thousand things that could have gone wrong. none of em did, but it ruined it for the whole week. Never going to be able to look at my block the same again. Next days are smitten with work, Kenny never leaving. Love him, but i need space to live!!! i wanted to sleep in my own bed with only me for just one night. so maybe i could go upstairs at a normal time, watch some seinfeld, talk to kelsey before i go to sleep, to have someone to say goodnight to, which actually i probabbly needed that. whatever. and then after that go to sleep to the sound of my cd player going at it until it hits the last song, and plays on cd repeat all night till i wake up. THAT would have been a perfect night this week but i couldnt get that! Stupid vacation, how come school weeks have been better than you? Now it's saturday, im not working tonight, im not working tomorrow, cold sores are gone, my voice is back, fever's gone, nose stopped running, fatigue is out the window, and im dressed to impress, hair looks really good, lets go out tonight! OH WAIT your vacation is over isnt it? you've lived it up? you're done right? oh poor me then, i guess ill just sit here and be lazy like ive been NOT wanting to do all friggen week!!!! And there's really nothing i can do about it because the only other person i could do something with lives too far away and my moms out with steve. so i can't even surprise any one of my friends with a lets do something tonight because i can't get a ride there. My vacation didn't suck, im not going to be like all those friends of yours who say my vacation sucked thanks for asking, im just saying i really wish i had done something with anyone that i can look back and say, god i love when i do that, maybe again next vacation. You know? Maybe someone will call with a plan to hang out tomorrow. Maybe ill make that my 11:11 wish. After, they've come true sometimes.

Ps. turned out it wasnt even a shooting star. I guess that wish for courage won't come through now will it?

PSS. Just needed to write that for the principle. And you're also the only person who's going to get that. Im going to laugh when someone else catches my mistake.

this one

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:06:58 GMT

Blog. I challenge you to tell me of a word that's weirder than that in the English Language.

Yes. I think of those things.

why livejournal?

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:27:12 GMT

so i have like three friends on this whole thing. why use it? not quite sure, any reason to make me write whats on my mind is just awsome, i suppose thats reason enough? whatevs (crap!, i didn't just say that) but im actually excited for auditions this week. not too sure about thend likeliness i get a lead role, but even if i dont, im going to have to much fun! being there with kelsey and cisco so much, im going to love it! it's been too long since ive been excited to audition for a show, since like...over the river and through the woods? sounds about right. go kelsey for doing this show! also, ive found that putting mps off a cd was the fastest way ive ever gotten songs onto my itunes. 160 songs almost INSTANTLY put onto my tunes. gotta love it. i need to learn how to do that myself, ill go from friend to friend stealing music onto disks and have a crazy ridiculous amount of songs on my itunes.
(i indented for loretta, jeeze)
break next week! can't friggen wait, it seems like christmas break just went by, and now we have another! ill be out adventurateing, ill be reuniting with the old group which thanks to my ridiculous emo rant brought them back somehow. makes me happy =)
also, i dont think it ever matters what we do, but when i go out with kelsey and veronica and whoever else decides to tag along, i have so much fun! it's great, even though i really need to start planning for the ridiculous freezing sensation that happens every time. yet somhoew i still radiate heat off me? not too sure how.

also, worst piano recital of my life, but theres no need to describe that. take my word for it

Plays no more

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:28:44 GMT

Oh that was a ballsy move mr. leinen. taking me out of jazz band early. That's literally my favorite thing to be at right now. dr. ryan is literally the only person who hasnt screwed me over and given me the respect i deserve, and put me in positions ive rightfully earned. really, i started off as a freshman playing piano for jazz b, and vibes in jazz a with sean playing piano. we was amazing, obviously deserving as lead pianist, the next year, i split the spot with amazing jazz pianist (but lacking in classical and sight reading) josh levine. i didn't mind that at all, we taught each other a lot. now, im lead pianist, i play in wind ensemble, im first in my section, im a drum major, recommended and allowed to be in music theory ap as a junior. Thank you dr. ryan, i appreciate it, and im actually really sorry that so many other people are hindering me from giving you my 100 percent commitment to all the music activities i do for you. next year, ill play in the pit orchestra, considering how leinen over there has completly destroyed my desire to continue shows at stratford high. there used to be a time when i thought i was good enough. when i thought a career in performing arts and theater would be an option. i remember it so clearly. Mr. howard was the director for my first show, the diary of anne frank. there i was, little, young shy little freshman version of paolo, and mr howard noticed that i had talent. so there i was as peter in the diary, and i learned so much. then, the musical, my favorite show (not most enjoyable, that goes to you guys in damn yankees) but i can easily say the favorite role ive been cast in. Anything Goes was the musical, my first big one, and i was Lord Evelyn Oakleigh, the completly oblivious, and ridiculouslously hilarious englishman on the ship. not exagerating in the slightest when i say everything single time i appeared on state, the audience laughed. from those short shorts that i jogged in to being in my boxers with shaving cream in my room, to "lets misbehave" and plotting to get myself married to another. again, thanks mr. howard, why'd you have to leave? next year, sophomore year, alright, im back, first show, small cast of 6 people, over the river and through the woods. it was my first and only lead role, like the lead. i felt so amazing, and mr lienen was the only director now! he had co-directed the other two. so he had a feel for my acting. i played the italian nick cristano, struggling to live with life, trapped with his grandparents from both sides of the family. it was funny! it was sad, dramatic, had a great ending, i felt so good! and then mr. leinen just decides that im done apparently. the wiz comes up. i didn't want one of the main leads, because they're supposed to be black, i had no problem comming to terms with that, but i could have played the wiz EASILY, and way better then friggen matt darling, nothing against you matt, i love you as him, but i deserved more than the messenger! i was on for about 10 lines and two mins, completly in the back. i figure that was just a chance to try other people out, and i thought you'd realize your mistake. guess not. cuz then, junior year, big year, rumors, i get double cast. what. the. hell. trying to give more people opportunities my ass! this had a cast of about 11, over the river had 6, no double cast there now was there!!!! am i not good enough? not trustworthy enough? did you think i need to have someone else share the role beacuse i couldnt do it well enough? because last time i checked, a cast of me, kerry, julia, josh, brandon, alyssa, mick and abby is a group of people who would do a great job, and have been dedicated to the show more than half those other people can ever say. so naturally i quit, if you think someone else can do what i can do then by all means. remind me how many people came to see the show? i think no more than 30 on any given night, because all my friends, all the people who knew i would be in a show, didn't come, it wasnt worth it, it was no good. but way to step up brandon, i could never say anything bad about what you did. so now im questioning what he's doing. and then, i hear talk of doing fiddler on the roof. the show that made me want to start acting. i know every song, every note in the show, i could play tevye like none other could. cmon, so i dont get the part, because my voice isnt powerful enough. colen does, who hardly has a range or a distinguished stage voice for that part. love yah to death man, but im really, really, really jealous of you. you have my dream role. im not mad at you, but i would have loved to been tevye, you been lazar wolf, so i could sing to life with you. id have loved that. but im motel. sure, i play him well, probabbly suits me better, but not when it's this show which i even convinced mr. lienen to do because i love it so much. every day during rehersal i wish you're absent from it, so when it comes to your part, mr.. leinen will say, paolo, do tevye while colens not here? and id sing, and id rip that role apart, and everyone else would notice, and i'd hope mr. lienen realizes what he did. not even that. dont let anyone notice me, just give me the satisfaction of for maybe 15 mins, be tevye on that stage, and maybe see how it would feel if i could play that part. stand there, sing if i were a rich man, yell at golde and mistake motel for my child. id probabbly stop complaining. maybe even be satifyed, because i wouldnt even need a script, id get it right the first time and be good for the rest of the show. oh god colen, i really hope you appreciate the honor it is to play that role. ill be even more mad if you dont. you're being unfair leinen. to me. not to anyone else. what are you trying to prove? because next year, when ill be the only guy to play a lead, you wont see me at the auditions. maybe it'll be a role perfect for me. a hopeless romantic, a rambunctios comedic role, i play those best, you'll probabbly choose the show with my type cast as the lead. but you won't see me at the auditions. you wont see me there because i'll be making a stand for myself, ill not audition because obviously you want me to think that im not good enough to be in your shows as a part up to my determination. you'll be mad, sure you will, but im going to dedicate my time to someone who actually appreciates my talents, my dreams, my obvious passion. ill stay with dr. ryan, i wont miss a rehersal, i wont leave early, ill stay after school for as long as the play would go, practicing. for him. not for you. rehersing for him. not for you. complain all you want, even tell me that im letting our cast down by doing it, all the hard work, say it, it wont phase me, because right now the smallest bit of dissapointment from dr. ryan kills me. when you came in there and told me i had to get out of there 45 mins earlier than i would have liked, i was so pissed off. and when i had to tell dr. ryan, with no warning at all, he was mad at me. mad at ME! and it's not right, because it's not my fault. i try to be as dedicated as i can to all the things i do. so when something happens out of my control like that, and i end up letting doco down, i feel sick because of all that he's done for me.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:22:50 GMT

i just need to write, i dont really want anyone to read it, but a part of me wants someone to care. Maybe one of those people will be bored, see a new note posted by paolo perez, check it out, and miss me. maybe read it and know i was talking about them. She came out of nowhere and cares about me for a few days? what, worried, proud, caring, because i know she doesnt actually want to reconcile things. For one reason or another she drifted away. because distant. i remember that summer vididly. it was like every time i wanted to do something, she'd say no, i can't, im with this person today, i going to this state today, im tired, well then why don't you just tell me you don't want to be friends with me anymore? i would have at least liked to know for sure if im to keep waiting around for you or to if i can continue living my life knowing that you're not who you used to be and that i can't get the old you back. You made me who i am today, changed me, as only one other person in my entire life has. she taught me how to love, you taught me how to live. a more important lesson than any other. I was afraid, i was shy, i hid behind a mask constantly and couldnt come to terms with the fact that i would never fit it the way i was. and it wasnt like it was a bad change, it was willing, i didn't like who i was and niether did anyone else apparently. you were the only one who cared, the only one who thought you could make a difference in someone elses life other than your own. you came to me when i needed someone the most, more than ill probabbly ever need anyone in my life again. I remember it so vidivly. there i was, the nerd, the dork, the geek, the little boy that would never be a man. the one into theater, the one with all those crazy obsessions about love. I had no one in this world, not a soul except for two friends who i didnt even see on a daily basis. i would come into school and not ever know where to sit at the lunch table, what to play during gym, who to sit next to during class, because no one wanted to choose me on thier own. at the peak of solitude, on a cold night, one where i had nothing to do and no one to talk to, i was staring at a blank screen online. why i was online, i had no idea, but i was on to maybe think that by being on someone elses friend list, they would think about being associated with me. i don't know what power on earth told you to talk to me, but you did. i get an im. hey. im _______ from english? oh right, you, hi. from then it was all a blurr of emotions. you talked to me like you had known me forever, tapping into my deepest feelings about everything that was going on in my life. i wanted to talk to you, i felt comfortable, and slowly, i realized how to be different, but the same. how to keep who i was, but at the same time, be accepted by everyone. you made me actually want to fit in. and i did. i dont know what you did, but it took me out of my element and i became exactly what i could only have dreamed to become. you made me belive you were my best friend, and for a while you were, but i also thought it would be forever. that word, forever. your whole life or mine? who's life is constituting forever? after that i talked to you about absolutly everything. everything good, bad, meaningful, or even slightly irrelevant to anything. you were my sanctuary, where i went to relive from the stresses of everyday life. the way you listened, the way to spoke, i thought it all must have been a dream, some wonderful, crazy dream. that summer was where i came to terms with people, i made friends, i went out on a limb and asked for a date from a mutual friend. you were so happy for me, i was so happy for me, and most importantly i was happy, grateful like no one ever has been before to have known you. to have been blessed with your judgement and unconditional attention and caring to make things better for me, even if it was only for a little bit. ive seen you cry, you've seen my pour my heart out, ive seen you become the young woman you are today, you were my shoulder to cry on. ive said it more than once before.

You Were My Angel.

my saving grace, everything that i needed and then out of nowhere, one night in public. you were with him. you were hanging out with them and invited me along. but you ignored me. you joked around, you used him to make me mad and thought it was absolutly hilarious. i thought, ok, it was just a night, something was wrong but no, oh no how horribly wrong was i. it didnt stop there, it turned into the summer that you just didnt want to see me anymore. sure you said, love you, love you like a brother, love you forever like the best friend ill always have. it was strange that we could have such love for each other without even once feeling it was going to become a relationship. but that summer when you ignored me, those days through the school year that you decided i wasnt worth your time to sit down with and just have a casual conversation without having to check your phone and leave off with someone else, just to make another friend, maybe help another me. well i resented it all. i thought it was fine, that you'd come back. that you'd begin to care again, that you'd invite me over and we'd just sit on your back porch and eat watermelon. listening to your sisters laughing in the pool, taking in the sun to the sound of an i home at the far corner of your yard. taking pictures with our cell phones because we were too young to afford real digital cameras. putting on strange glasses because we thought it looked so funny. we'd talk about the strange way you neighbors leaves creeped over the fence, how the psyco guy across the street was acting up again so you called the cops on him. id take a shower in that outdoor one in your backyard. me and _____ would make you laugh by pretending we were gay as you looked in from your window, unable to contain you laughter. That we would walk 20 mins on the hottest day of summer, to know that we'd arrive to open arms and smiles, and invite to the pool to cool off. we didn't have a bathing suit so we jumped in with our clothes on. it took so long to dry off, but we didnt mind just sitting out there, chasing your dog around because he stole my shoe and he was too fast to catch. we would play ping pong, even though we sucked at it, we would call our friends and tell them we were walking over there. we'd play on my twister towel because it was so small and so much more fun the way that we played it. We didn't care about anything else, about anyone else, as long as we knew that we could always come back to each other. stare at a fire on the beach and just stare into each others eyes and know yes. yes this is as perfect as perfect gets. there's nothing else i would rather be doing, no one else i would rather be with. i miss that. i always have. i miss that your sisters would be running around, we'd be trying to do something else as you yell, i told you to cry into the pillow!!! and we laughed. we played games, the first time i played i got a 422. how impossible right? but i guess with even the little things, the impossible was possible when it came to you and i. I took a picture of the picture in your house, even though you pleaded that i dont. i would tease you about it relentlessly and you would make fun of me for all the things i said that just didnt make sense. for how much your little sisters loved me, for how often i would come over just because i had nothing else to do. for when i came over and had to walk my bike across the biggest puddle ive ever seen, just to get to your house for a few hours of a great afternoon. we joked about you boyfriend, we joked about my girlfriend. the one girl that i ever had enough courage to get close enough to to actually fall in love with. and it was only possible with your help. i called you when we were over, and you did the same for the hundreds of times that you broke up with yours. we joked, oh yeah, paolos been in my bed, i gave you that picture, framed it, it was one of my favorite pictures ever. taken from a spur of the moment phone shot. it was probabbly because we were so happy just then, that there was no way the picture could have come out bad. you've seen my in random hats, socks, unusual shirts, even a dress at one point. i played the piano for you, you told me it was wonderful, and we had our song. it makes me sad now thinking about it. dont stop beliving. it used to make us to happy. im sure it does for you, but a different kind of joy. a fake one perhaps? when i hear that, i get sad. i begin missing all of what i knew once was. all the talks about your dad wanted to use my golf clubs, the cuteness that was the corsage i got for my cotillion date. the day that was the four of us at the mall because i had just gotten over a bad break up. the picture of all of us that made us laugh and know that we would remember each other forever. well i know thats true, but when i remember you, and when you remember me, it's going to be of the memories we once had. the times when we just layed out in the middle of the street at 1 in the morning, wondering where that mysterious sound was comming from. from watching white chicks and thinking it to be the funniest movie we've ever seen, dubbing hold my poodle the line of 2006. how when i tried to move on from my near 2 year relationship ou encouraged me to trust another and accept that someone else would be right for me. the memory that we had of natures helpers, how i told our story, as i am now, but without any regrets. how i told it, and could hardly breathe in between my tears. how i felt the gentle touch of your hand on my leg, to let me know that you were there for me, as you had never been before. how that night we stayed up as long as we could, comming up with what time is it? time for you to get a clock. my bad right? i could really sit here and type for days describing everything that we've been through, but i would drowm myself in sorrow before i got halfway through. why a sad emotion? because i miss it so greatly that i wouldnt be able to break through it and realize that i can just be happy about the years in which we used to enjoy each others company, even if it meant chilling in my cold, dirty barn because we thought it was so cool to have a place where we could go to be separated from the rest of the world. that we would just sit there and know that theres nothing that could go wrong during that moment. what happened to that?

Maybe im writing this because im a coward. because ive wanted to tell you that im so afraid to lose you that i can't possibly gain the courage to face you one on one and tell you that i can't possibly live my life without you there to guide me. maybe im writing this as a goodbye, maybe as a cry for help, maybe im writing it to exect that someone to read it while bored to be you, and you realize that you might miss me just a little bit as much as ive missed you. because even a fraction of that amount would be a lot compared to what the normal people can feel. maybe you'll read this and feel compelled to rekindle what we lost, but then again, maybe you'll read this and agree that you and i can never go back to where we used to be. that you're going to go your separate ways, continue to hang out with him, and him, and ______ and ______ and all the others that you've replaced me with. with all the ones that it took to replace me, instead of holding on to the one, easy to manage portion that was your best friend. you wanted to try something new, but i want to know if it's been worth it. please, just let me know that you're actually happy with who you've decided to choose over me and i'll be able to comfortably leave and let you be happy. as happy as you once were, or ever could be with me. i just want the best for you, and if it just isn't supposed to be me, then i suppose there's nothing i want to do. hey, stop crying. maybe if you read this you'll act like im being over dramatic, like i need to let it go and should get the hint, whatever. if you dont like it then im fine with that because either way it goes i'll have a def. sense of security in our relationship. i need that right about now becauese im not fully able to grasp the concept of knowing that you and i will have a fluctuating life that will never know what certainties lie ahead. then again, maybe you wont read this at all. like i said in the begining, i don't even expect you to. but it doesnt matter, this has been the most helpful thing ive had in a long while. way to long. i used to use you to convey everything i was feeling, thinking, all my wishes and dreams. but look at what i have to use now. a post that is viewable to everyone. to anyone that might be able to help me like you once did. i know it's not possible, but a part of me is still searching, still yearning for that special friend that i used to have. the one i now miss more than i'll ever possibly be able to miss anything ever again in my life. maybe i don't want you to read this, maybe i still care for you and don't want you to concern yourself with me. i dont want you to be sad, and knowing me tends to do that. i have sad stories, i can't always be happy and i come to you when im depressed. it couldnt be good for you, sending my bad energy your way when you in no way deserved that kind of negative attention. so don't worry yourself with me anymore, i'll find a way to go on if you truely want to live paolo free. care free. worry free. strife free. sadness free. because apparently that's all i have to bring to the table. you know i havn't had a bad day since last march 17th? i think it's been because i havnt had anyone to help me realize that ive really been in pain the whole time, but ive been hiding it, keeping it away which i know the last time i did that, i ended up yelling at a friend and losing them forever. i dont want that to happen again. maybe this is the calm way of me doing that. because i could never be able to hurt you. not even in my most horrible nightmare could i picture you in some form of harm because i care for you to such an extent that i dont even think i can fathom it. you know i love you, i always will, ill love you like the sister i never had, the sister i always wanted, the sister in the family i wish i always lived with, and most importantly, the best friend ive ever had in my life, the best friend i will ever have if you and i are truely meant to be over. theres no way of saying it more. i miss you. and if there's any part of you that feels the same to me, just tell me. tell me what to expect for the future because i can't go on much longer like this. im confused. im scared. im indecisive. i won't lose faith. i will never stop hoping for what we once were, so maybe this will stir a conversation between us. maybe it wont. maybe our friend will tell you about it. and maybe you still wont read it. maybe you still wont care. i know theres a god out there because thats the only way i could have been sent an angel like you. so this sentence is to him. please. let there be a way to let her know that i still exsist, and simply want to know if there's any reason for me to continue with it all. i need to know. don't stop beliving. i want to keep beliving, but it gets so hard when the only thing you believed in has left....

The Creed

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:56:11 GMT

Im glad for christmas i got Assasin's Creed, because since ive only recently beaten final fantasy XII, there was an empty space needing filling. Oh it has been filled, and that would be by Altair and his tactful ways. I literally came home from school after my exam at 10, and played till i had to go back to school for jazz rehersal at 1. I think i may need a social life again, if not looked after closely, i may lose all contact with the outside world. Other than that, my exams are DONE! had my last one (music theory AP) and let me tell you, it was wuite the test. See now it's already funny enough that theres only 4 of us in the class and we're so close with Dr. Ryan. So many inside jokes. Anyway, we walk in there and about 3 min. into it we notice that Doc has a portable boiling water machine with him. ive never seen one before so i thought it was pretty funny. It started making a gurgling noise, not unlike the strange one i hear on my phone late at night (i dont know why you dont hear it, but i do and it creeps me out)So molly looks up and is like, doco, you making coffee there? and he's like of course not, i drink tea. because dr. ryan is a complete all around holy goodman. anti abortion, tons of family values, never swears, has not seen a single rated r movie, the list goes on. So he then asks molly if she wants some tea, because he saw her empty mug sitting on the table. She of course says yes and then dr. ryan asks us if we all want tea! so we all ay yes, he grabds three other mugs from his office, bags of tea and some sugar for me. so we're sitting there, doing our test to the best catered test ive taken in my life. I mean really, tea for our exam? and then when he was playing the melodic, ryhtmic, and harmonic dictations, he played them a few more times than he really should have, and let me and meghan stay for another 15 mins to finnish it up. i actually think i got a really good grade on it! Oh and there was a fire drill, second one of the month for some odd reason. so me, meghan, dr. ryan and the 10 other people in the school go outside and waste 5 mins of our lives. But yeah, felt i needed to rub it in your face since i had a catered test. All of them should be like that. id get much better grades =)

*The result of being unfaithful

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:57:21 GMT

For those of you who love that your relationship is going so well. That nothing could ever go wrong. That you two will be happy till the end of time, just because you two understand each other so well. Here's your tale.

The result of being unfaithful

You met her at Starbucks on a rainy day; once you two started talking you knew things would be more than "ok"
It was the greatest day both of you agreed on that fact; and shortly after that moment you created a pact
You two have been dating for so many years; you've been through the happiness, the drama, the good times and the tears.
After the nights at the carnival, the nights at the beach, the nights at the diner and nights at your house; she begins to get worried that your love will be doused.
You always assure her, tell her "have no doubt; i'm the one who loves you, the one I cant live without".
She says "But you're so attractive, and i'm simply not; I can’t help but to worry other girls will find you hot"
As you give her a kiss and hold her close you go on and on about how perfect she is; she begins to compare her to so many girls, like Nicky and Sandy and Sammy and Liz
You laugh at the topic, change it quick as you go; you say you love her, you kiss her, you call when you get home "Hello!"
The very next day while sitting at lunch you do something sweet to fill her with glee; over the noise and chatter you pass her a scribbled note "will you marry me?"
She laughs that you did that, and smiles and nods; she replied back with a yes cuz you're closer than peas in a pod.
It was no legal engagement, only one tied from trust; you promised that one day the real thing would be a must.
She broke out with laughter from the things that you did; but when you were gone she cried like a little kid.
She loved you so much and wanted to believe that you loved her too; but you had so many gorgeous friends, how could she be at ease when she had no clue.
She said its only some jealousy, it wont turn to much; you kept on loving her dearly, bought presents and such.
But one night while walking by that Starbucks at night; she looked in through the window and felt crushed alright
What used to be her walking down the street to your house; to visit you, you'd said "I’m sick, can't talk, I’m quiet as a mouse"
She was gonna surprise you with a little gift pouch; and on her way she saw you sitting right there on the couch
With Liz you were 'chillin' oh she was all over you; if she hadn’t seen you two kiss you could play it off like she was a fool
She barged in the doors and she made a scene; you were shocked to have seen her and just listened to her scream.
You tried to console her but for you, no avail; she ran out those swinging doors and her face was so pale.
Outside it was raining and nighttime and the roads they were slick; she ran as you watched her, get hit by a Buick.
She was crying so hard she never even saw; the lights coming towards her of that '94 car
You couldn’t believe it, and knew it was your fault; suddenly you saw something in her fist, it was clenched tight like a vault.
You opened it up, the contents made you cry; it was your scribbled up note, and another with a reply.
You knew it was over how big was her heart; the note said "I love you, till death do we part".

*Once upon a time...

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:55:01 GMT

Once Upon a time...

There was an honest boy, and a brown eyed girl. That is only how it began.
Little did they know but the events that would occur whilst they got to know each other would alter not only theirs, but others lives as well. This is their story.

Stormy afternoon in the summer time
a long muddy slope he had to climb
to get back home for warmth and joy
that was the beginning of the teenage boy.

Very same day, of the very same week
she was an average girl with feelings so deep
of those to be loved by someone true
the story of the girl begins now, too.

While walking home the boy he stopped
he saw something different, something his eye caught
a new girl in town he'd never seen
inside her house, her radiance gleamed

She had no clue he'd been passing by
but for some odd reason she heard something outside
when she stepped outside the boy he panicked
she saw only a glimpse, he ran too quick

The very next day after her on his mind
he walked to her house with a brilliant design
when she answered the door she was blown away
how was she to know he'd make her day?

After compliments and introductions, smiles and laughs
it was late at night, they walked down the path
talking and such they were both filled with glee
their love for each other blossomed immediately

They had so much in common and it seemed just right
he visited again the very next night
that routine he followed day in and day out
together forever? There was no doubt

Her parents knew his, his parents knew them
"Hi Joe, I’m Lexi" "I’m Peter, you're Kim?"
They all liked each other
except for the mother

She told her boy "you can’t see this girl"
"You'll never know love, not once on this world"
She forbid they meet he was quick to disobey
Nothing for love would get in the way

They ran out on weekdays, holidays too
weekends no different, the mom had no clue
She was getting suspicious "why isn’t he sad"
she was feeling a bit iffy 'bout the situation at hand.

One year had passed and all was right
as they lay on the grass on that cool summer night
onto the oak tree they carved their names
for their love was to be known, this wasn’t a game

When driving with groceries the mom caught a fright
while on that road, the carvings all right
she was blind with fury that she had been shamed
she knew there was but one way to put an end to their flame

She stopped at her house, the boy was there too
"I’m sorry mom, I just couldn’t listen to you"
She said “sorry wont cut it, I need to be sure”
she came out with a pistol, loaded with four.

They both knew she was crazy they ran for the door
three shots rang out, her body hit the floor.
He said "mom how could you do this, it just not fair"
She gave him a grin, and then came a glare

His anger was unparallel, his sadness even more
he tackled his mom into the car door.
Out of consciousness she went, the gun in her grip
he pulled it out of her hands, the girl’s blood did drip

He ran to her body, "god why did she die?"
He knew what to do as he closed his eyes
He sat there next to her; lifeless and dead
up went the gun, then the trigger, to his head.

It may be tragic that such love brought so much
no matter how good it seems be sure not to rush
the boy and the girl did nothing wrong
the story of the two will be remembered for long...
And they lived happily ever after...
The End

Is this a poem?

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:52:38 GMT

This is a poem, but not cuz it rhymes, but just for the meaning that’s bidden behind. It comes out like glue, or maybe cement, but since I just wrote a poem my mind is spent. I glance at the others, writing like fiends. Not jealous, not tired, I’m just outta steam. Pink on white blue on grey, red on black orange on brown it’s not that perceptive, just look around. This is a poem because it may rhyme, but this line doesn’t. =P

Dreaming?

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:51:32 GMT

A
L
L
I
N
G down the stairway below. Sinking and drowning to where nobody knows.
I SEE all inspiration of Writing from past, the times I last enjoyed I can’t remember the last. Street lights are glowing and houses are for driving on these roads are not what they’re meant.
Drifting alone wondering when I’ll be met by someone who would care to make a little bet. Will the midnight train come at one or at three? Or will you find yourself captured while looking at me? I’m a master of deception of beauty and lies with the power to take sadness to color the skies. You’ll never escape me, the tempations that had the most profound effects may turn you quite mad. There’s no where to run, no where to hide, no where to look except for inside.

Me- You

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:51:18 GMT

Take signs out of highways
or stingers from bees;
steal orange from the rainbow
or blue from the sea.
It’s like cat’s without whiskers
and bears without paws,
bunnies that don’t jump
and puppies that don’t gnaw.
Just like hip without hop,
Jingle but no bell,
Jazz with no swing,
and heaven no hell.
The world would be gone without all these things,
like fish out of water and birds without wings.
Our lives would be empty, and that is so true,
but that’s what id be like if I didn’t have you!

response to a fighter

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:51:00 GMT

“The man with no imagination has no wings” –Mohammed Ali
Response But the men with too much imagination get put in crazy homes? They’re the Van Goh’s that cut their ears off, the ones everyone ignores till they die, the Picasso’s that no one understands while looking at the exterior. Is it possible to have too much imagination? I don’t think so, but is it possible to have such a remarkable imagination that everyone else resents it? Definitely.

Our world

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:50:44 GMT

This world needs a hero someone they can cheer; it needs a new government that the people will hear. We need a new religion one that’d be perfect no doubt, one that nobody can possibly live without. We need a revolution to change all the wrong, to let the people be decider of our world living long. We could really use a new car to get us to move because so many people need to get in the groove. Our world needs to stop thinking things’ll never change, to get rid of the thoughts that flow through the deranged. We’re a bit too focused on the movie show of future, instant food, freezing time, shape shifting, flying cars, people need to mature. What our world really needs is that one bit of hope, not the kind you can get from the silly little pope. The world has a future, one that needs to be bright, just realize it’s you that can start to make things right.

Free write

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:50:33 GMT

I can’t believe I’m writing about it again. I mean I thought I put it behind me but it all came flooding back to me in a crashing wave of emotions tonight while listening to Journey. That one song reminded me of it all so much because when I played it at the mall, it would mean so much. I damn nearly got over it completely, but what the hell, this is never gonna leave me is it? I still have that book in my backpack, with the pictures and the notes and stickers. I remember the day the pictures were from. I was so set on getting them there that I literally had to bed my mom to bring me over. She didn’t want to go because honestly, it was the snowstorm of the year that day and it actually was pretty dangerous to be driving, but I really needed to get there. It was just that important to me. But it sucked majorly because when I got there, what’s his face was all over the place. Supposed to be more so me, but I guess not. And how bout that whole thing when I was so happy after so long all because of that one answer. The whole time that third one was goin on, it was kind of my job to be on the offense. But I let my defense down, and I got hit. Hard. Harder then ever before. I kind of felt like it was my fault since March, god I hate it when it’s played off like it wasn’t. But yeah, in august twice and opposite the next march, it was made certain that the third was more than overwhelming, and they were right. I couldn’t handle it. No one would have been able to. I kinda felt like I was getting what was coming to me; like this was just the way of making sure I paid for what was already done. Oh I felt it. Don’t you worry? But yeah, history+ journeyandcascasa- everything/ two= 1 for the away team. 0 for home.

Comming back

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:50:21 GMT

I sit at my desktop and want to write so bad about all of the good times I supposedly had. From summer to winter, Fall then to spring, these crazy sensations are all but a dream. Shining like crystal yet hazy like smoke, all the fighting and anger that would be provoked. There’s also a factor of what I could see, all that I failed to realize was the strange simplicity of the answer that would fix the condition at hand, of what would bring peace to this troubled land. Talking it out always seemed to restrain, but always would those people just start to complain. Id turn towards writing to send out the news, but when nobody reads them it douses my muse. I sought out to hide it all inside, but like coke goes with mentos, it exploded, sending the cap for a ride. I need to approach them head on and fierce for the moment to escape to my heaven bliss may already have left on the 5 o’clock train with 15 of us left standing there in the rain. Ill make something out of this worn to shreds life, for me or for you, for them, no, just to make things right.

Have you ever?

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:50:09 GMT

Have you ever felt like breaking down? Like the one thing you had wished for your entire life had finally been within your reach and just as you were about to grab it and secure it with you forever, you trip and fall into an endless abyss? One where as you fall you become more and more aware of the mistakes you made and the fact that you can never make things right. What’s worst, is when you know the perfect life you had, how great it was, and how badly you wanted it to stay and then having lost it for the worst, the stupidest, the most insignificant reasons, and wanting to have that feeling back so badly. It’s compelling to chase those past dreams as much as you can even though so many people, and so many instincts are telling you ‘no’. For one reason or an other, you actually know that it very well may be over this time around. You don’t want to admit it, the last thing you’re going to do is surrender and begin to tell yourself to stop, and let it go. Some call it denial, others call you crazy, but you know it’s the result from being emotionally attached to someone to such an extent that there no way you can ever forget, even if she has. Have you ever just sat there on a cool summer night, letting your mind wander with thoughts of what could have been? While you’re sitting there you just stay still and silent, making certain your mind doesn't wander or get off track from the important thing. Her. Have you ever felt so lonely at night that you just wish she was there to comfort you? And as you think about it, you wonder ‘why am I the only one of us who feels so strongly about our past? Is she happy with him? As happy as she once was with me?’ While thinking about that, have you ever known instinctively that the answer was no? It’s a terrible feeling, one that really gets at you, really gets down to your core and pulls at the roots of your limits. One night, after a long pause in time, perhaps while writing something similar to this, you’ll be seized by an uncontrollable fit of weeping, almost mourning for the death of the most perfect feeling in the world. Afterwards you may realize that it really is time to move on, but if you’re like me, you’ll keep on fighting, even if the reasons to keep going are fruitless and a wasted effort. So if you’ve ever felt the symptoms up above, then it would be with that I ask you have you ever been in love.

bridge of emotions

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:49:51 GMT

You’re crossing a bridge of emotions into place yet unseen
Where black is white and up is down and nothing is as it seems
A world where every person is living and breathing but blind
When there is no seeing there’s no reason to hide behind
Your emotions which have guided you, and now it all you have
Will you enter with thoughts of rage, or the sudden urge to laugh?
Although you have no eyes you see clearer than ever before
Spacious skies or cloudy fog it depends on you all the more
This is a land of emotions which is why you must take care
To be certain of your feelings, if not you’ll end up anywhere
You’ll pursue every dream you’ve had, whether they were good or bad
Beware of the confrontations with the nightmares that you’ve had
It’s almost like a heaven and hell
Relying on your instincts just as well
As you walk along that boulevard of coarse barbed wire
While your feet get cut, they’re soothed by the fire
So wear tough shoes or none at all
No matter what you’re bound to fall
Back to reality where things are the same
Conformed and united, boring and mundane
When next you decide to come back to this land
Come up to me and ill give you a hand
I am the ruler of this fantasy When you leave don’t forget about me

So close to perfection

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:49:37 GMT

I love how she smiles at me and how her skins so fair
Her voice filled with laughed and her lovely chestnut hair

She calls me in the morning and show up in my dreams
With each moment I spend with her, life’s perfect as it is

I remember how she came to me when I didn’t feel so well
I'm caught in this crazy “love potion #9” kind of spell

She tells me all the time that she’ll never leave me behind
It’s so reassuring to have found this perfect one of a kind

I hold her close while we lie down just soaking in the sun
We lay there, and with each second, I enjoy every single one

I know that she’s not perfect, no one is, that’s so true
But someone doesn't have to be perfect to be perfect for you